Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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