I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
