as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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