I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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