this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
