Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
