I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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