census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
