I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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