Do you still have your period?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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