Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
