Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
