Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
