I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
