Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
