Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
