its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
