Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
