I'm eating all of the evidence.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
