My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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