I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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