Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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