hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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