It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
