Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I have tasted many bathrooms
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