Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
tell me about the fingering
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