He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
