So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
