Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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