it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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