You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
