his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
