Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
