Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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