So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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