i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
