so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
