Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
