Quick, to the slutcave!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
