Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
