I murdered the dance floor call the cops
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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