FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
