So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
