I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
