this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Hippo gnu deer
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
is that a dick in a sweater?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
