Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
