we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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