I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
