i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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