I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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