Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
