I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
