i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
