I can't breathe out the right side of my face
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
