She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
