babies were throwing up all over the place
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
