Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
